Headlights
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It was already getting dark by the time I had finished my last appointment. I left my client’s office building and quietly walked through the dimly light parking lot to my car.
It had been a long afternoon and I was looking forward to having a good dinner and then maybe beating somebody at backgammon (one of my favorite past-times). The dusk was growing softly, so I flipped my headlights on as I drove off and hit the CD player. It was the end of the day, and Van Morrison and I contentedly drove off towards home.
As I passed through the small villages cluttered around the Italian border, I thought back to the afternoon I had just spent. My client was an exceedingly talented young woman who had quickly worked her way up the corporate ladder. She had begun in the proverbial mail room and through hard work, a flexible mind and a quick intellect, had managed to prove her value to her company and now held an impressive position with a large area of responsibility. Although small and slight in stature, her ability to act quickly had made her an indispensable part of her company.
The past year or so had been difficult for both her and her company. Her father had passed away after a long and drawn out illness and this had left her feeling alone; questioning whether the decisions she had made were leading her life in a direction she really wanted. To add to this, her company’s revenues in the CEE countries had fallen and due to cost constraints, they found themselves needing to make some vital decisions. Head count had to be reduced, and she was to cut her team by nearly 30%. All this coming together left it difficult for her to move beyond this point. She continued to analyze the situation and her problems, unable to look forward to find solutions. It left her paralyzed; unable to make any decisions that would help her move along.
The qualities that had brought her to this position had seemingly left her. And so she stood; staring at her problems, knowing she must make a decision, but unable to.
Through my windows, I could see the silhouettes of the houses and farms as I drove. My surroundings seemed to be fading away as I passed, the way it always does when it’s dark and you only have the wedge of light before you. The tunnel vision keeps you so focused on the road ahead of you that you become almost oblivious to the rest of the world around you.
The road I was on curved through the villages and fields; twisting its way towards home. I had purposely chosen not to take the highway, as I was planning on enjoying the scenery as I drove. I guess I had forgotten that you can’t see much at night. So I continued my dark drive with my little triangle of light and looked forward to dinner. There wasn’t much traffic, so occasionally I was able to switch on my high-beams to get a better look at what laid ahead – although I knew this stretch of road like the back of my hand.
As I banked into a long left curve, my headlights illuminated a field of dry corn to my right which was still waiting to be harvested. Suddenly, something darted out of the corn stalks and stopped in middle of the road. I slammed on the brakes and came to a screeching halt.
There, in the middle of the road, stood a small frightened deer, frozen in my headlights. She stood immobilized, sensing the impending danger of my car bearing down on her, but unable to look away from the lights and run away to safety.
I quickly turned off my lights and waited, hoping she would run away before another car came, thankful I had been driving relatively slowly. I counted to three and turned the lights on again. The street was empty, as if nothing had been there at all. As if I had seen a ghost. I had broken the spell and she was free to run to safety.
As I continued my drive, I again thought about my client. Like the small deer locked in the terror of my lights, she was all caught up in the enormity of her problems, unable to move her focus beyond the imminent disaster to the solution and ultimate success. The size of what was coming had paralyzed the qualities that both she and the deer needed to reach safety and succeed – speed, flexibility and quick thinking.
We’re no different. Focusing only on our problems leaves us too like a deer in the road; staring immobilized at that which is bearing down on us, unable to form a plan of how to move on. This tunnel vision blocks access to solutions. And solutions lead to success.
It’s definitely wise to see problems, like roads, cars and falling revenues, but it’s even wiser to then find solutions and move on.
So if you ever find yourself caught in the headlights of life – close your eyes to break the spell, and then begin focusing on solutions. You’ll find a path to the nearest corn field, from which you can once again run freely, enjoying all that life has to offer.
Happy Running,
Lisa
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Good point, Lisa. Fear paralyzes. Fear is probably the biggest barrier to success. When you get caught up in the emotion of fear, it becomes impossible to think clearly and make good decisions, it clouds your mind. I think many people run around with feelings of fear, ranging from chronic worry to downright terror. This prevents them from taking any sort of risk and, of course, from enjoying life.
Great story. I look forward to your site every week.
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Thanks for your support, Daniel. I agree with you about fear. I also believe that this is one of the most limiting emotions. Fear certainly has a reason and is definately necessary, but often we get lost in feeling the emotion and become unable to deal with the actual issue causing it. Fear tends to ‘blind’ us.
Thanks for your input.
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Great post, Lisa. I so remember many headlight situations after my husband died and I had a row of hungry banks staring at me across a conference table. My kids would send me out to ride that summer at night and I would literally sometimes close my eyes and picture myself out on the trail for a moment to collect my thoughts.
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I know that feeling too. I think many of us have been in that sort of a situation at least once in life. It really takes effort and strength to get beyond it, to really stop analysing what’s wrong and begin looking for solutions. As you said, to close your eyes and picture yourself somewhere else. The exciting thing is that if you stick to it, it works. :-)
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Great post, thanks. Often what paralyzes is our own fear and limiting beliefs. When we can release fear, and simply be aware of thoughts, perspective expands.
k
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Oh, Lisa….Where were you and your infinite wisdom 3 months ago when I REALLY needed to read this? So true, so very true, and yet for some reason so hard to see when you’re in it.
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@ Kaushik: Definately. Fear stops development and limits choices. If we can release it and move beyond it our horizon and our perspective expand exponentially. All at once we see opportunities which were invisible to us before – although they may well have been there the whole time. Suddenly we realize that that which we feared has no true hold on us. It only has the power we give it through our own focus. As soon as we break the focus, we break the hold and are free to make new decisions and find new chances.
@ Michelle: Right, that’s just the challenge. When you’re there, focused on those headlights, there is nothing else and little awareness of what else is out there. It takes concentrated effort to refocus. I did it for the little deer by turning my lights off – but our challenges are rarely simply turned off like that. We are the ones who have to act – and this is our challenge. We have to become aware of the situation and then act.
I find it a lovely metaphor, the small deer in the face of the large car. Life really can feel like that sometimes.
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What a brilliant move to turn off the lights to allow the deer an alternative. I never would have thought of that. It’s a fabulous reminder to allow our senses to take over and just do what is needed. When I’m afraid, I don’t breathe, then I can’t think and my reactions are slower. Thank you for sharing what happened with the deer. I’m reminded to breathe in and breathe out.
Cheryl
http://www.thatgirlisfunny.com
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Yep. Everything is surmountable once you take a deep breath, close your eyes, and square your shoulders, ready to tackle it.
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@ Cheryl: It came to me in a flash that I should switch the lights off – and good thing too. And if we just let that intuition kick in and lead, we often make better decisions. Breathe in, breathe out and stay centered.
@ Susan: That’s true, isn’t it. Nothing really is quite as big as it first seems.
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Thanks for visiting and commenting – I thing horses and life are the all one thing – we bring our whole life to our horses.
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Hi Lisa.
That was a geat insight to turn of your head lights.
It is in stillness that we start with a blank canvas and that can we see beyong the walls we have put up. It is a bit like going to sleep isn’t it, rather than trying to keep working on a problem and going around in circles.
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@ Kate: I agree, horses offer us the chance to see our whole lives in one afternoon.
@ wilma: Exactly. Turning your thoughts off, stopping all input and letting the answer come. It is a bit like going to sleep or meditating. Taking a moment to get in touch with who you really are.
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Having never read your writing before, I was noticed myself getting pulled into the story and at the same time wondering, “Where is she going with this?” I felt like I was reading a novel not a coacing blog post. You get an A+ from me on your writing.
As I work with job seekers, fear comes up again and again. One of the reasons I’ll recommend people speak with a coach or someone disconnected from the problem is because they can help reframe the problem. They can help turn the off the headlights so the monstrosity goes away leaving behind only the problem.
That makes things a whole lot easier to handle.
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@ Jorge: Thanks for your compliment *blush*
And yes, I agree. Getting your worries and fears out in the open helps to get a new perspective; as you said, to reframe. It really does make solutions more visible.
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Wow! Thanks, I’m honored. :-)
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[...] Illichmann presents Lisa Illichmann » Headlights posted at Lisa Illichmann, saying, “As a hobby mountain biker, I’ve learned that biking [...]
Great metaphor!
It’s weird that a creature that has evolved to be skittish and ubercautious moment to moment can have all of it’s defences shut down at such a critical point. But all of it’s defences have developed to protect it from “known” predators.
When a Deer sees headlights it’s brain is saying “what-the?”. It hasn’t had thousands of years to write a program against vehicles..which are only a hundred years old.
Humans got ahead of the pact because of our brains. Somehow we created software that allows us to deal with future events and unforseen calamity..mostly by luck and chance..but since other Humans have always been our greatest threat, and they’re so unpredictable, we needed to think on our feet.
That being said, even a casual glance at The Darwin Awards that the shallow end of the gene pool is still alive and well :)
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It is strange that a deer should be so helpless in such a situation. I guess that that’s why so many are picked off the roads, as you mentioned in your post .
Thank goodness we are able to deal with danger better and have at least the option of controlled, intentional reaction. Although, as you mentioned, when looking at the Darwin Awards, it really does make you wonder why we got the thumbs. :-)
By the way, I recommend Donn’s blog to everybody looking for Canadian humor and a reason to waste time in internet.
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[...] Illichmann presents Lisa Illichmann » Headlights posted at Lisa Illichmann, saying, “As a single mom, I’ve learned that fear is my worst [...]