Von Händen und Glasmurmeln
Hey, good to see you again. Sit back, kick your shoes off and enjoy the story.
isaac bowen
Eines Tages besuchte ich eine Freundin von mir, um einiges nachzuholen. Sylvia und ich hatten uns eine Zeit lang nicht gesehen, daher freute ich mich schon, sie endlich wiederzusehen und Neuigkeiten zu erfahren. Aber ich freute mich ebenso darüber, ihren kleinen Sohn Andreas zu sehen. Seit unserem letzten Treffen hatte er jetzt schon den dritten Geburtstag hinter sich (ach, wie die Zeit verfliegt) und ich fragte mich, wie er jetzt aussah – Kinder verändern sich in diesem Alter so schnell, dass man, wenn man sie nicht regelmäßig sieht, total das Gefühl dafür verliert, wer sie sind.
Es war ein herrlicher Nachmittag, der mit Sonnenschein durchzogen war, den so nur ein Wintertag hervorbringen kann. Er strahlte durch die Fenster, tanzte an den Wänden und tauchte die Küche in Licht. Ich konnte fühlen, wie er meinen Rücken wärmte, während ich an meinem Tee nippte. Sie hatte meine Lieblingskekse gebacken und ich hatte schon drei davon gegessen, bevor wir überhaupt zu reden anfangen konnten. Dies wird ein leckerer Nachmittag werden.
Wir saßen am Küchentisch und plauderten, während Andreas am Boden spielte. Er war von Legosteinen, Duplo-Menschen und verschiedenen Stofftieren umgeben. Natürlich fand er, wieso auch immer, diese Spielsachen nicht sehr interessant. Er neigte eher dazu, sich durch ein paar verbotene Schubladen und Schränke in der Küche zu graben und Tupperware-Behälter, Topflappen und verschiedene andere Gegenstände, die er sonst nie erkunden konnte, anzufassen. Er schien aber zu wissen, dass wir uns so über unser Gespräch freuten, dass er sich in der Küche ein bisschen gehen lassen konnte. Wir redeten so vor uns hin, er arbeitete sich methodisch durch eine große, tiefe Lade und schleuderte Dinge zur Seite, während er so werkte
Plötzlich fing Andreas zu weinen an und zog wie wild an einem schmalen Plastikgefäß, das an seiner Hand hing. Er hatte sein Händchen hineingesteckt und jetzt konnte er sie nicht wieder herausziehen.
Sylvia und ich versuchten von allen Seiten und Winkeln, seine Hand wieder aus dem Gefäß zu ziehen, aber vergeblich. Er steckte fest. Wie bekommt man die Hand eines Kleinkindes aus etwas, in dem sie in erster Linie vermutlich gar nicht hätte sein sollen? Wir überlegten, Öl oder Seife und Wasser zu nehmen – alles, um die Hand gleitfähig zu machen. Aber auf gut Glück entschlossen wir uns, Andreas zu fragen, seine Hand zu öffnen und die Finger so weit wie möglich auszustrecken. Ich zeigte ihm mit meiner eigenen Hand vor, was wir meinten. Das, so begründeten wir, würde seine Hand so lang und flach machen, dass wir das Gefäß möglicherweise wegziehen können.
„Oh, nein“, sagte er. „Ich kann das nicht tun. Wenn ich meine Hand öffne, verliere ich die Glasmurmel, die ich gefunden habe.”
Verrücktes kleines Kind! Natürlich konnte er seine Hand nicht aus dem Gefäß bekommen, wenn er die Kugel nicht losließe. Sie loszulassen war der einzige Weg, aus dieser verzwickten Lage zu kommen. Scheint ziemlich eindeutig zu sein, nicht, wo wir doch keine drei mehr sind und nicht an einer wertlosen Glassmurmel hängen. Aber an wie vielen Dingen halten wir fest, die uns davon abhalten, frei zu sein?
Loszulassen kann sehr hart sein, nicht wahr?
Manchmal finden wir uns in Situationen wieder, die Angst machen, schmerzhaft sind oder uns einfach nirgendwo hinführen und es gibt nur den Weg heraus, dass wir diese Dinge loslassen, an denen wir festhalten. Alte Glaubenssätze, vergangener Schmerz und wertlose Glasmurmeln können uns an Situationen binden und uns daran hindern, frei zu sein. Ihren Verstand, Ihr Herz und Ihre Hand zu öffnen kann alles in einem Augenblick verändern und Ihnen die Möglichkeit geben, sich zu befreien und weiterzukommen.
Fröhliches Loslassen,
Lisa
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This is so true. We hold on to so much more than we know. As in your example, it’s always easy to see what the others need to let go of, but it’s so difficult to see what’s going on in us and in our lives.
There is lots I need to let go of, of this I am sure. Sometimes though it’s really hard to see what it is. I simply feel that something is blocking me, keeping me from doing or getting something that I want.
I’m going to think a bit more about that now.
Thanks for writing this. It really did come at a good time for me. Now really is the time I need to let go of some things.
thanks again.
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Lisa Reply:
January 19th, 2010 at 17:39
Hi Daniel,
It is true, isn’t it? I too think that we hold on to much more than we are aware of – I know I did (and still do). I suppose that finding these little ‘marbles’ and letting them go one by one is part of development. And yes, it definitely is often hard to recognize what it is that we need to let go of – it’s hard to find what it is that is holding us back. Often times professional coaching can help (hint hint :-)), often time too, one can find a quiet corner and go into oneself and find some of those ‘marbles’. And often when you start looking, a whole bunch of marbles will start rolling towards you.
It was a very good metaphor for me, because Andreas so obviously was being held back by his desire not to let go. It made me realize that we all have marbles in our hands and it would do us all good to let go.
Thanks for commenting.
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Lovely story and so very true! We all have much to let go of. It’s so easy to see it in the story, but in real life it can be so hard. I’m like Daniel, I don’t know all I have to let go of, but I also know that it is there. I suppose it’s my belief systems – like I can’t do something, or I’m not good enough … and things like that. I’m sure these are the things that hold be back. It’s not that easy to let go. I think one day that I have done it and the next day I am back at the old thoughts.
It can be so frustrating!
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Lisa Reply:
January 19th, 2010 at 17:45
Hi Margit,
Yes, I agree. Just as I mentioned to Daniel, I too find it is often difficult to identify what it is that is in the way of us moving on with life. And yes, I have to agree again, it often is our belief systems. We can find those belief systems often in the way we communicate – alone by the words we use. As you mentioned, saying ‘I can’t do that’, or ‘I’m not good enough’ should give you lots of food for thought. These sort of statements grow from underlying belief systems that make it hard – if not impossible – to move on and become all that we were created to be (whatever that might be).
And even when you have found the ‘marble’ it is difficult to change in one moment. We often need time to make the new thought process, or belief system a habit – we probably needed years to learn the old one! Often times we will fall back into the old habit. But instead of getting upset with yourself, it’s far more productive to think ‘oops’ and move on again to the ‘new’ behavior or thought, without getting angry or frustrated. Change often takes time! It’s a wonderful journey and during the change process you can really learn a lot about yourself.
Good luck!
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Lisa,
What a wonderful way of sharing your afternoon with us. I feel like we were in the kitchen with you. The little ones are here to teach us. Thank you for sharing and for reminding us to let go.
Cheryl from thatgirlisfunny´s last blog ..Sins of the Past – What Do Yours Say About You?
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Lisa Reply:
January 19th, 2010 at 17:48
Hi Cheryl,
Thanks. I agree, we can often learn a whole lot from little kids. They are so unbelievably authentic and live so much in the moment that they often give us glimpses into what life could be like for us. Little Andreas was as upset about having the container stuck on his hand as we should often be about things that constrict us. But we often accept them as a part of life and learn to live with the ‘container on our hand’. But he yelled, we responded and together we could identify the problem. How easy it can be!
I hope we all can free our hands from containers!
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Now that was a great story and a great analogy.
Holding on to the marble and getting ourselves stuck. Brilliant.
AND he needed someone else to point out why he was stuck and that is so the case with me as well.
As the marble, we hold on to so many invisible things and it is interesting how much practice it takes to bring the invisible to light for oneself and for others.
Love Wilma
Wilma Ham´s last blog ..Ann-Marie on The Third Person in our Relationships
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Lisa Reply:
January 23rd, 2010 at 18:49
Hi Wilma,
Yes, exactly. We really do hold on to many invisible things (when your hand is closed so tightly around it, you can’t see it very well). And I also think it’s often (usually) easier if somebody helps us to see what it is that we have our hands (and our hearts) clutched around. It does take practice to bring it to light and to learn to let go. It amazes me time and time again as I find so much that I’ve been clinging on to for years. And as I let go, I feel such a feeling of freedom and release – it’s amazing and so unbelievable enlightening. And then I think, ‘Wow. That was simple.’ Because it really is so simple. But it’s not always easy.
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Perfect metaphor. It struck me that what he didn’t want to let go of was something he believed to be treasure. Who in their right mind wants to let go of treasure, even if it means being rescued? It’s making me wonder about the things I’m holding onto that are keeping me stuck, but it’s also making me wonder what is the thing that I value, that I want so much, that is keeping me stuck. What treasure do I need to let go of, because it isn’t right for me?
Beautiful story.
Jane´s last blog ..It Could Be Worse…
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Lisa Reply:
January 23rd, 2010 at 18:52
Hi Jane,
Yes, it was his treasure. And the whole time it was a worthless glass marble (worthless to us, that is). And the best part of it is, that by letting go of the marble he could release his hand from the container – and have the marble too. It wasn’t gone, it just wasn’t clutched in his hand any longer.
Think about that for a while.
Let go, and perhaps it will still be yours – just no longer sweaty, hot and clutched in your hand.
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Jane Reply:
January 26th, 2010 at 5:15
Very VERY good point. I forget these things. ;) You mean if I let it go I might get to have it, but UNSTUCK and free? Thanks for the reminder. I need them!
Jane´s last blog ..Jane’s Boots Speak
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Lisa Reply:
January 27th, 2010 at 6:46
Yes, Jane. I think that’s the most exciting part. You are then free. As Janis Joplin so beautifully sang, “Freedom is another word for nothing left to lose…”. Everybody interprets that to mean “…having nothing”, but perhaps she meant “….having much, but hanging on to nothing”.
:-)
Hmmm….I like what you added in your last comment…”perhaps it will still be yours – just no longer sweaty, hot and clutched in your hand.” That is something I know I need to remember. Have a little faith that when you let go, you don’t lose it all. Love the story!
Michelle´s last blog ..Thankful Thursday – The Fun Doesn’t Stop
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Lisa Reply:
January 27th, 2010 at 6:44
Yes, exactly. This, I believe is one of the key points. Letting go doesn’t necessarliy mean not having. It only means letting go and not holding on to. This is freedom. Many of the things you treasure will, if stop worrying, holding on, sweating, and all those things, remain yours – if they really were yours in the first place. If not, then you know where you need to develop. And losing now also doesn’t mean never having. It only has to do with now. It’s a very liberating concept.
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I think it has become a bit of a cliche to say that we should let go of the past. Everyone would like to get over past hurts; and I think we all do, to a point. The passage of time takes the sting out of some wounds, dulling it down, bit by bit, until there is little left of it.
There are other hurts, however, that we just cannot erase. We may not think about them on a daily basis. We don’t take them out of the box every day and polish them. Most of the time we go through our tasks; the things that we must do to sustain our existence, without giving them a thought. We work. We go to school. We do the shopping. We pay the bills and rake the leaves.
We aren’t even thinking about the incident, or the person; and then it happens. It could be a scent that takes us back. It could be a color or style of clothing. It could be a walk in the park in the fall; and the sound of the leaves and the clouds in the sky, take you back to a day you had not even remembered until that moment. You could be driving past the place where it happened; and in an instant, you are there, back in that moment, remembering the pain. It is involuntary, like the soldier who suffers from PTSD and cannot forget what he witnessed in war.
We can try to forget, tell ourselves that we want to; but we really have no control over what the mind chooses to do at times. We flash back, maybe only for a second; but it is there, buried. And sometimes it comes to the surface.
We are, like it or not, our past, good and bad. To say that we are never going to remember pain and; never let it affect us, is not possible. Everything we have experienced is what makes us who we are. To be able to feel an emotion, even when it is unpleasant, is what makes us human. We can learn, most of the time, to adapt to hurt; but we cannot always forget it.
Nor do I think it is always wise to forget it. Physical pain is a signal that something is wrong, something needs to be tended to. Emotional pain can be just as valuable to us. It can, and should, teach us not to repeat what has caused the pain. If we forget it, we forget the lesson.
Why does a woman keep selecting the same bad type of man, over and over again? Can a child who is molested by its father ever really forget? How many times do we need to touch something hot before we learn that it will burn?
Pain is unavoidable. It is part of life. And none of us are going to leave this world without experiencing it. It is in our pasts; and, believe me, it is in our futures: divorce, the death of our parents, aging, and failing health….We are all going to confront it. We may not always be able to control what hits us; but perhaps we can find some comfort in the fact that we have survived it before; and we can live through it again.
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